Lately I haven’t posted much, not because I haven’t been writing posts, but because all of the posts I have written are so horrendously depressing I felt guilty at the thought of forcing people to read them. I’m not kidding those posts would suck the happy out of a room quicker than a turd in the punch bowl. Anyway, I figured today perhaps I should write something that will not make even the vampires bleed tears.
So let’s talk about the X Box. My husband has our X Box hooked up to do facial recognition and voice control for our television. Honestly it is scary as shit to think that the folks over at Microsoft get a live feed of me streaking across the living room to get my pants from the dryer, but I try not to ruminate on it too much. Besides all the other things the X Box does with the television are pretty cool.
It is fun to sit down and have the television pop up an avatar of you and say, “Hi Kelly.” But honestly I feel like I missed out on a little opportunity there. I should have given myself a more interested name so X Box would say something fun like, “Hi You Sexy Dame, You,” or, “Hi Glitter-Bug Yum Yum,” or maybe, “Hi Brilliant and Ravishing Goddess of All Things Good In The World,” so that every time I watch television I get a little self esteem boost.
Aside from just welcoming me X Box lets me do all sorts of other things like changing channels and inputs just by talking to it. Which is awesome, except my mouth seems broken. When I want to watch a DVD I have to switch the input. So I say, “X Box go to Blue Ray Player.” The problem is every damn time I try to say that what falls out of my mouth is something to the effect of, “X Box go to Boo Way Player.” At which time the X Box chastises me and is like, “What the fuck lady, I don’t know what the hell you want me to do. Learn to talk right, dammit!” I have tried and tried to say it correctly, but it always comes out wrong. Thank god I have no speech impediment in real life; mine seems only to emerge when speaking to electronics. I have no idea why. I suspect Nargles steal my ability to speak clearly to the X Box. #Nargles #Firstworldproblems